Or during the afternoon working
Thoughts of her, and a future not seen before.
I wish I can take back the things I miss the most.
But then I know deep down she's not coming back to me.
It was a nice thought to have
Nice to know her for the moment, and have that instant gratification
As I keep drifting, my mind only can go so far as to understanding lies.
Love is not ceased, it is non existent. I remind myself with little hope of having that feeling once again
I haven't written anything just because I know the spite I have towards those I love so dear
And this resentment grows strong, the proof that someone does not care drives me...
Drives me different directions, but mostly towards anger and restless solitude.
I couldn't even sleep last night knowing that anyone can be with her.
My mind is grown to adulthood. My body is still that of a child, leaving disconnected channels within my body
Is my bodies' lack of communication the reason for my non understanding personality?
I have to ponder the distinctions and dissatisfactions I live with. There must be something I'm not seeing
I do know that I have many oppositions that I am faced with, whether it be personal or personal.
I'm saying I have alot of enemies that attack me personally, but that includes myself.
I wonder at times if I'm at all to blame for all of this travesty I cause.
I am a walking shadow of the mistakes, while the mistakes hold themselves high above my head pridefully.
I stay at home living in the shame of my life but that has changed, 2016..
It has been a year I have been living with this newfound heart, niether cold or loving.
Finally just a fleshy beating heart fitted with all of my dreams and things I aspire to become
Ceaseless is the love I've carried, torn is the belief I once held high.
I only believe in one absolute truth though I have been told there are no absolute truths.
The one truth is love is not here. Love is dead and technology thrives to take whats mine.
I am sensing a hint of darkness in me, but not in a gothic sense.
Morbid about the reality of my world.
I know it, and I can't deny the truth about it and myself.
Tinder, OKCUPID, Badoo, just falsehoods about what people intend for one another.
We all know the truth, and deny the reason of the truth and where it is derived from.
Then the violin plays a melody that speaks freely from lies and regret.
It frees me from the torment, and lets my mind relax in freefall.
Free from the forceful mindsets put into play.
I need none of the pressure, but only need one thing.
Freedom from all
I've been struggling, only in the night.
Thoughts begin to wrestle, my past is in the mess
I tangled myself in this mindless oblivion.
I'm trying to find a way out.
Why, to the questions that appear in there?
Is there more to think of other than my creating my insanity?
I cannot find resolution with this love, it's ceasing to exist.
Love for myself is another disappearing act.
The drives to venice beach in the morning are the best
They were the best.
It was a time that I was able to understand.
What I want.
I want a life by the beach
How can I get back to that?
I was so lucky, how can I be so lucky again
I long for that feeling again.
The complete utter freedom I felt with the sun roof down.
The 405 clear, driving so far.
I can get it back.
I can go back to that When I want.
I see something in a distance.
It scares me, cause I know nothing of it.
It's not the future, nor the present.
What is it, this void?
All the drugs in life TOOK ME FOR THAT RIDE
gave me a false solution, with more complicated equations.
I love her. I love me.
If I don't solve these equations here, I'll never find what I'm looking for.
She exist. I know it. I feel her. I seen her in my sleep
Something of her lingers within me.
She's gonna be there to share life with.
That's all I want. Someone to share my scorn.
Someone to walk with in the day and night
Someone to say to " I would become nothing if you didn't exist."
"You are my life, and the light. Thank you"
Only in dreams is where she waits.
She's not real, she's ideal.
I am nothing because she's part of this existential crisis
I thought you'd change for me
But it's not like I would because that's the reason I fell for you
Oh lord please give me a sign someone is on the way
Cause I can't carry all of this weight on my own
I am who you see me as, and nothing more
aimless and pointless purpose in the sea.
It's been a while, the feeliing isn't miles
Closer to my heart, a riptide pulling the strings
She's in there, stopping to fill her tank
We're on the same path, I feel her next to me
She breathes so deeply it takes the breathe from my lips
Pressed against my chest she sleeps with a wolf
My LA woman, tending wounds of time
I feel her next to me, walking down the street
She sings the words of the muses, I lose myself in the sounds
The nuance has me in a trance, I can listen for days
Her thoughts are my drugs, her body is sex
I feel her lips pressed on me, sitting on her bed
I see where it'll go, better than all the rest
She's all I need in the summer, she's got a hold on me
I'm all hers if shes willing, she's all mine with her will.
I wish you knew how I felt, I feel better
Better than all the rest. Cause she's all I need
My drug of drugs, my heart of thornes.
Is it what I need, the desire that is fire
I love you the best
Cause when I sleep... I start to see the light
It's in her eyes, it's in the sky.
She is the city, my angel of night.
I don't understand it, really.
I try really hard to make others feel better..
But do you want to know what I have to say about that?
Here's my advice..
Think about yourself first.
Take time to know you.
Workout to vent, don't be dependent.
Don't hate people for not agreeing with you, embrace them.
Eat good food by yourself some days.
Read a book.
Learn things no one else can learn.
Stop fucking caring about what people think.
Stop calling your exe's, they're exes and it's not love.
Love your family.
Respect a neighbor and do em a favor.
Sing proudly, because people can't do the same.
Be happy, because not everyone has good health or youth.
Play music, it's the only stress reliever I know that works.
Make a movie, it'll give you something to do in your free time.
Make a memorable speech that is human.
Tell your best friend you love em no matter what.
Kiss a stranger
Stop telling yourself you can't do anything, you are capable.
Don't hold anything in unless it is too unpleasant, have respect asshole.
Stop worrying about other people's lives.
Stop being just a fan
Be a writer
Be a poet
Be a musician
Drive far far far away from home on a mini road trip
Most importantly, be free from your own mind and those you surround yourself with. Look up at the sky and realize you are the smallest spec standing out in a sky by distant lights, connected in some universal way by forces that can't be explained. Whether it be the love you are stuck with inside of your soul, or the hatred that had fueled you thus far from everything.. Lose yourself in the small moments and forget that your past existed.
Live in the now.
- Current Location:Home
- Current Mood: restless
- Current Music:House Stark - Goodbye